Memories
by Serene Cullen
Summary: A cute but somewhat depressing take on an older Beck and Tori and how their relationship is, has been, and will be.  Please enjoy.


Memories

Maybe it was the day he broke up with her. Maybe it was when he said he was moving away. Maybe it was the day he phoned her after a year and a half of no contact to tell her he was dating someone and gush for hours. Or maybe it was the day he called and asked her what a girl wants in bed. But whatever the day Tori Vega woke up in the middle of the night one time and found herself with a gaping hole in her chest. She clutched at her night shirt thinking maybe if she applied enough pressure the hurt would stop. She thought she might cry until she reached up her hand and found tears already soaking her cheeks. She grabbed for her cell phone but when she got it she thought. Who would she call? Andre? They hadn't spoken since she'd slipped into depression a year ago. Cat? Surely she and Robbie were already asleep. Jade? She hated her for stealing Beck from her. Trina? Trina didn't care. Mom? Dad? Dead and dying. That left him but how could you call the boy you are in love with and cry and sob and complain about how much he hurt you especially when it's your fault he's gone? You couldn't.

So Tori set her cell phone down and laid her head back on her pillow. She hated that he wasn't here, that he wasn't hers. He used to be and they were happy. Why did they break up again? Think Tori she told herself. And she did for about an hour until the answer came. Oh ya you cheated. She shoved the covers to the ground and walked over to the bulletin board where she kept all of her pictures. She grabbed every one of them she could find and ripped them to pieces in a hysterical fit. Then she saw the one of her and Danny, why oh why had she cheated? She ripped that one into millions of tiny unfixable pieces and threw it into the trash. She fell to her knees in front of the torn pictures of her and Beck. Why did she do that! Why did she rip them they were all she had left?

She grabbed her cell phone again and dialed without thinking. He answered but he sounded sleepy. "Sorry for bothering you so late," she lied. "But I was just wondering, I mean do you have some old pictures of us?" she asked nervous. "I think my parents threw out my old stores of them," she glanced at the ripped fragments at her feet.

"Tori?" his voice asked.

"Oh ya sorry guess I forgot to say that part," she muttered embarrassed.

"Are you ok?" he asked sounding more awake now and wildly concerned.

"Ya I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" to her her voice sounded normal.

"You sound really sad Tor, what happened?"

"Oh well I just, um do you have the pictures?" she asked again touching her cheek to find new tears.

"I think I have a few in storage, Tori what's wrong?" Storage ouch that hurt. Then again at least he hadn't torn his up in a fit of psychosis.

"Oh just found out my mom died," she lied.

"Tori I don't mean to be insensitive but you're mom died two years ago honey. What's wrong now?"

Tori was stunned "how, how did you know that? About my mom?" she hadn't told Beck because she had lost contact with him. In fact she couldn't remember too many people that she did tell, maybe Cat?

"Oh," he said sounding fidgety now "well um Trina told me."

Tori nodded forgetting for a moment that they were talking on a phone. "Oh," she said. "So where are you staying now?" the pictures were forgotten and she just wanted to hear his voice now.

"Oh well I'm living in New York right now, there's a lot of jobs here."

"Girlfriend?" she asked before she could stop herself. She really didn't want to hear the answer.

"No not right now," he said.

For a moment both of them were silent. Tori was reliving everything that had fallen apart in her life. While Beck was wishing she'd never cheated. Then Beck realized something and he said "Tori listen I've got to go right now but I'll talk to you soon ok?"

"Ya sure, ok," Tori said trying to sound nonchalant.

"I'll send you some pictures ok?"

"Yup sounds great," she forced a happy tone into her voice. Her phone fell to the floor after her line went dead.

The next day Tori gathered up pieces of her pictures and spread them around her large dining room table. The house was too big, she suddenly decided, too big for one lonely broken girl. And although Tori was twenty three she didn't think of herself as an adult. She was broken in her days as a girl and she'd never gotten over that, that's where she was emotionally stuck. She spent about five hours trying to piece her pictures back together. As she finished one she took out a piece of white construction paper and glued it in place. Most of the pictures looked alright she decided. She was gathering them up to go to a CVS or something when she noticed how messy her house was.

It was the same house she'd grown up in but it looks worlds different. On every surface imaginable she saw dust. The couches were torn and were those rat droppings on the floor? Tori immediately decided this was more important. She put the pictures she had saved in a plastic bag in her purse. Then she grabbed her wallet with her debit card. She got into her car, the same old one from high school. She loved her bug and even if she had more money than she knew what do to with she wouldn't get it replaced.

She drove to a vermin control place and hired a guy to go get out all of the critters running around her house. She gave him and his team of seven or so guys the keys to her house and the address and sent them off. She went to a furniture store next and when she opened her wallet to pay for the replacement sofas for her living room she found a picture of her and Beck at prom in it. She blinked a few times before handing the clerk her card and going off. She got home and tons of trucks were parked outside. She pulled into her garage and walked inside. She saw dozens of rats caged up waiting to be taken outside and her new sofas were in place. The people she hired to put in new kitchen counter tops were here too. The new things looked nice, made the old house feel like a home. Some things were untouched such as the kitchen appliances, the stairs, her parents room. Her doom and gloom bedroom was still the same too. She realized for the first time when she walked in that her room's light bulbs must be out. She silently wondered how long they'd been out.

She walked downstairs to see if she had light bulbs anywhere in the house when she heard a knock on the door. She answered it assuming it to be another worker. She opened the door and it took her a moment to realize what she was seeing, or rather who she was seeing. Her mouth opened to greet him but no sound came out. He swooped her into his arms and held her tightly for a long time before letting her go. "Beck," the word came out in a strangled choke noise.

"Oh Tor," he said holding her at arm's length. "What on earth happened to you?"

She tried to form words again but nothing came out her heart jumped to her throat her tear ducts began working on overtime and she was sobbing soon.

He pulled her into his arms and whispered sweet nothings to her. He was a little taller than she remembered. She was skinnier than he'd realized. His hair was still as soft as ever. Her eyes looked completely dead. He looked more toned and sexy. She looked more dead than alive. His voice was soft and melodious. Her eyes were as dead as a grave.

"Oh Tori, my beautiful wonderful Tori, I never would have left if I'd known this would happen." She clung onto his shirt wailing in the doorway. "No punishment will ever be enough for me I've broken the most spirited girl from Hollywood Arts. Heavens help me I'll need it, but I'm here Tori. I'll never let you go again." Her thin frame shook violently in his arms and he thought for a moment that she just might snap in half from the convulsions.

Slowly he stepped into the house with her, one of the workers shutting the door for him. He led her up the stairs to her room and encountered her same problem with the lights. She began apologizing frantically and he whispered how insignificant it was. He closed the door and darkness engulfed the pair. He laid her down on her own bed and she pulled him down beside her.

Before she consciously decided to she kissed him. With all the pent up grief and self-pity she kissed him. He kissed back gently with love and hope. Her body began acting on its own accord and she soon was trying to unbutton his shirt. He took her hands from his shirt and shook his head 'no.' Her sobs began again and her voice came to her this time. "Why?" she screeched "because I'm not good enough, not pretty enough? Was my advice about what girls want in bed wrong all those years ago? Are you punishing me for my mistake?" She was angry and her tone proved it, she knew her anger was misplaced and that he didn't deserve it but she couldn't help it. He simply shook his head "then why?" she screamed desperately trying to break from his strong grip.

"Because Tori," he said softly "if I allowed myself the treasure right now I'd break you. I don't want to hurt you but you're too skinny, you're too frail and weak. I can't allow myself to hurt you no matter how much I want you. So lay with me Tor, let that be enough for now. And later, when you're better, much better, I will allow you do to what you will in that area."

She was speechless. Her anger was gone as she looked into his soft eyes. He cares, she realized suddenly. But then a world shattering thought crushed her "when do you leave?" she asked. The few little things that had begun repairing at his arrival began to break again.

"Never," he said. "I'm taking you back with me to New York in two weeks to sell my condo but then you and I will return here. I'll either live with you if you allow it or I'll find an apartment nearby. But I'll never leave again Tori, you're stuck with me for life." Then he kissed her and she forgot how to breathe. Her eyes closed and her lips melted into his and her life felt normal again.

But no matter how long she put it off she knew she'd have to tell him. "Beck," she said two days later while she stood at the stove making them both breakfast.

"Hm?" he turned his attention to his beautiful girlfriend standing at the stove.

"My parents didn't throw away my pictures of us," she said slowly. He didn't say anything but waited for her to explain. "I," she was close to tears, "I tore them up. I woke up the night I called you hurting so bad without you and I thought maybe if I tear these I'll tear the ties of the relationship and the hurt will go away. But it didn't and now there's just regret because I loved those so much and now they're gone." He didn't say anything so she kept rambling "I tried to save them the next day and I recovered a few but they don't look great." She abandoned the stove and went to her purse where she pulled out the bag. "I was going to have them copied and see if they came out ok."

He took the pictures and laid them out in front of him. He smiled as he looked over them and frowned when his eyes landed on one. It was of them but it was a week after their breakup. How had he missed it he thought to himself? He picked the picture up and studied it closely. Her eyes looked like they would have been bloodshot if there wasn't some acting eye drops in them. He noticed some makeup on her wrists and her smile was so forced he couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. He set it down and pulled her to him "everyone has regrets," he said. "And I have my pictures framed back home we'll grab them while we're there ok?"

She nodded then thought. "You keep framed pictures in storage?"

He looked embarrassed "oh um well, they may not be in storage after all."

She smiled her eyes looking more alive than they had in the past few years. She kissed him softly and went back to her burning bacon.

Two weeks later Tori walked into Beck's old condo with him. Their fingers were interlaced and her smile demanded attention of everyone who walked by. He unlocked the door and held it open for her. She nearly broke down when she saw Cat and Robbie, Andre and Trina all standing inside. Boxes were everywhere and the only things left out where pictures of them. Tori hugged everyone of them tightly. Andre lingered and she whispered in his ear "I'm so sorry I stopped calling."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't help," he said.

She pulled away and turned to Beck, she kissed him hard on the lips. "Thank you," she whispered leaning her head on his forehead and staring into his eyes.

"I figured you might have missed them a little," he smirked.

"She hugged him and together they collected their old pictures. "Oh there was one more thing," Tori said suddenly remembering.

Beck looked at her curiously "the day after you called I found a picture of us at prom in my wallet."

Beck looked just as confused as she felt but it was Andre who spoke up. "Ya well when Beck called me and told me he needed to fly us all up here to pack cause he was going to see you I saw you shopping and slipped the picture in. He mentioned you were looking for some."

Tori hugged Andre tightly "thanks Andre my memories with Beck are precious."


End file.
